DS novels

I'm done. Finally. It was painful and I think I can honestly say that I've never wanted to finish a book more quickly in my life. (Except for that one super trashy novel in one of my Spanish lit classes.) It took me five days, which may not seem quick to you but I haven't read something that quickly since...Well, since I read W;t a couple weeks ago, but that's a whole other story. What I'm driving at is that there are three reasons for racing through a book/novel:

1. The book is super good and you just can't get enough of it.

2. You're dying to see how it ends.

3. The book is terrible, but you said you would read it.

In the case of this book, it was #3. And let me tell you why.

First off, have you read a novel by Danielle Steel? If you have and you like her, I apologize in advance for what I'm about to say. If you have not, save yourself! Run away as fast as you can! I somehow always knew that I shouldn't touch a Danielle Steel novel. I predicted that they were just cheesey romances and low-level reading (by which, I don't wish to offend, but hold her next to Dickens and you'll see what I mean). Wow, did I ever underestimate that.

I was chatting it up with a coworker one day and we got on to the subject of reading. She mentioned she really likes DS and I (wishing to be polite) simply stated that I had never read anything from her. That was my first mistake. This then led to a sincere offer to lend me a novel or two. I knew I couldn't reject the proffered book as this could lead to a deeper relationship, so I vaguely left it at, "Sometime I should read one." I meant it sincerely, after all how can you diss some one's writing when you haven't actually read it? I also like to read what I say I'm going to read because I get tired of the vague I'll-read-it-some-day. But that's a whole other topic.

The very next morning a found a copy of the Lone Eagle with a note on my chair. Okay. Hold your breath, jump in, and maybe DS novels aren't as bad as you perceive them to be. And there we have my mistake number two.

DS novels are bad. (I admit that I can say that with relish because I know it to be true.) How do I dislike thee? Let me count the ways...

1. The plot. Predictable. Annoying. Redundant, which leads to boring.

2. The grammar. I sat there for five minutes rewriting one of her paragraphs. (I know my grammar isn't great at times, but if you're publishing a novel then can't you or your editor make a little more effort?)

3. If you're going to cuss, then for pity's sake at least spell it right. I had to reread the sentence several times before I understood that it was a cuss word.

4. Preying on the female reader's emotions. This is, of course, why she has sold over a million copies but it is something that I find to be very distasteful and it disgusts me. It's the type of novel that a lonely woman would devour and feel holds truth. Let's be very clear: it doesn't.

5. Can we say "redundant"? Apparently DS has limited vocabulary and a limited imagination that leads to the same descriptions over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

6. Sex scenes. I've never actually read a book with a sex scene in it and believe me, the instant it's there it turns trashy. I straight up skipped several pages, which I never let myself do. Not at all appropriate or necessary.

7. The whole book was focused on lust and sub-themes were infidelity, anger, miscommunication, and selfishness. Not a fun book to read. Yes, the ending could appear to have redeeming qualities, but it really doesn't.

8. Let's see we discussed the terribly grammar, pathetic plot, the trashiness... Yup! That sums it up pretty well. Number 8 is here because when you bring all the various aspects together it makes for a bad novel and I don't like bad novels.

9. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the writing itself, the organization, the structure, the flow...the non-existant flow, is just plain bad.

I beg your pardon, but please allow me a few moments to rale against this particular strand of trashy novels. What is America coming to?? What are women doing to themselves? And how on earth is Danielle Steel getting so much money for such badly written novels? Take away the pathetic plot and trashiness of it and she should still not be getting the acclaim that she gets. (Maybe I should write her and suggest that she fire her editor, choose a different publisher, or do something to improve her writing skills.) No wonder people can't stand reading Dickens. Their reading comprehension is so incredibly dumbed down by trashy modern novels that they can't digest the wit and brilliance of his writing. (Not to mention the grammatical correctness!)

Okay. I'll stop. I just had to get it out. I seriously can't believe that there's an editor out there that allowed the book to be published as it is. However, I sadly supposed that there is a market for those types of books and Americans are business minded if nothing else.

I raced to finish Lone Eagle over the weekend because I could not stand to read it any more and I just wanted it to be done and out of my life. I was relieved to return it to my coworker yesterday and I thought to myself, "I can now legitimately criticize her as I've done my duty and suffered through some 300 pages of her writing. Never again will I have to read anything by DS!" Alack! Alas. I spoke too soon.

When I returned that book I was quite vague on how I felt about it because I didn't want to offend my coworker. I also didn't want to come across as looking down my nose, but was hoping to use this as a bonding-get-to-know-you point. I had thought I came across as not at all enthusiastic or impressed. Well, apparently I was too vague and my message between the lines didn't get through because this morning I found another Danielle Steel novel on my chair.

Heaven help me! The last novel felt like an insult to my intelligence, I don't think I can hack anther 300 pages. What have I done to deserve another DS novel?!