The Art of Advisory

Tonight I got to play First Culinary Advisor to my roommate who is...not quite so well versed in the art of cookery. She was in a bit of a rush because she wanted to surprise her boyfriend by making dinner for him, so I offered to chop vegetables. I started out asking her if she would like the veggies chopped/dice/etc and some how it ended up with me advising her on how to marinate the chicken, whether the amount of rice was sufficient, and the health advantages of steaming vegetables.

I noticed that I tended to preface my statements with "Well, what I would do..." or after giving a suggestion, state "That's what I would do." After a while I began to wonder if that was as annoying to some one else as it was to me. It's true that I would have proceeded in the fashion that I was suggesting, but need I have stated it so? And was it really annoying to another person? Or did it make the statement come across as non-judgmental and truly in the spirit of suggestion?

Of course, it should be noted that she did not take all of my suggestions. Therefore, I put my statements in such a way that she was willing to listen and then disagree. Such is the very heart of advisory; having the power to make recommendations, but not enforcing them. And let's note that advising is vastly different than manipulation (getting some one to do what you want without them really knowing that it's you who wants it to happen). For example, the Permanent Secretary in Yes Minister appears to advise, but more often than not is adeptly manipulating. So then the secret to advising is stating your opinion in such a way that the person to whom the advise has been offered may choose to accept or decline said statement.

One would think that an advisory has far less power than a manipulator, but tonight I confess that I did feel the power of influence. If an advisor's advice is well given and well taken, then the advisee will come back to the advisor for more advice and to be advised. However, while a manipulator may exercise more control, they may eventually be discovered and thrown off (or if not thrown off, then at least resented).

Our conclusions:

1. It's all in how you phrase it.

2. Quit trying to take control. It's not yours to take anyways.

3. Don't let Jen watch too much Yes Minister. It makes her too verbose.

So, tell me: how many times can you use the root word "advis-" in a sentence?